The Magnificent Lie

Galatians 2:21 "...for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.”

How we discipline our children is a very personal choice indeed, it can make a friendly conversation turn defensive and angry. Please know this is not being written to make you angry, but to make you think. Only consider the words being said, and see if they have merit. We live in a world where spanking is a parent's choice, some parents spank and others don't. The book of Proverbs is what many Christian authors, such as Dobson and Tripp, quote as being the Biblical foundation for spanking. Let's look at the Old and New Testament alike as we consider what it teaches. 

Thousands of years ago God gave his people, the Israelites, laws in which to live by. The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy are full of laws that the Israelites had to follow  in order to be holy. They were not under grace in the Old Testament, and those laws prove it! Yet, as I search all those laws, I have yet to find one that says a parent needs to spank or strike their child. How did the Israelites discipline their children for those hundreds of years before Solomon wrote those words in the book of Proverbs? There is a verse relating to parents and discipline, it is found in Deuteronomy 21:18-21. The verse says a rebellious son needs to be stoned to death, on my! 

Let us look at those 5 verses found in Proverbs. Samuel Martin in his book "Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me" (the book is available for free in PDF form) states that there are nine different words for children, depending on their stage of life. The words range in meaning, they include ‘yeled’ which means newly born and ‘olel’ which means a child who is weaned, but is still nursing from his mother. There are words for the stage of life when they are young (4-6 years old), and for preadolescence. The word used in the verses in Proverbs is ‘na’ar,’ which would be the teenage, or young adulthood, stage of life. The word was used of Joseph in Genesis 37:2, and he was 17 years old at the time! In other words, if we take the verses in Proverbs literally, we would  only be striking young men (not women) in their teenage or young adult stage of life, young children were never mentioned in those verses. James Dobson states on his website that spanking should begin at the age of a year and a half, and end when the child is ten to twelve years old. According to the verses in Proverbs, twelve years old is right when spanking should begin!

If the verses in Proverbs are not talking about the discipline of young children, then where should we look for a model? Certainly not to the laws in the Old Testament, for the law has been abolished. So let's turn to the New Testament to see where our example should be. Nowhere in the New Testament will you find a verse that instructs you to spank your child. If not spank, then what should we do? I suggest we look to the greatest example we can find. Jesus. How did Jesus teach his disciples? Through verbal instruction and how he lived his life. Jesus states in Luke 6:37 “Do not judge and you will not be judged.” How then can we judge our own children? For that is what spanking does, it is judging the child for the sin they have done. Once the spanking has been administered their sin has been paid for, and they are free to go. Or some might argue that the spanking is to teach a lesson so they will not do the sin again. Yet what does Paul say in Galatians 2:21 "...for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.” How can we hold our children up to the law, and expect to teach them grace? Christ did not die needlessly, he died for those very sins your child is getting a spanking for. You do not need to administer pain in order to teach a lesson. Look to Jesus as he taught his own disciples, or even the large crowds. Did he ever use physical pain, or fear to get his point across. No, for our Savior is full of love and compassion. How can we not show the same to our children? Jesus also states in Luke 6:36 “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Show mercy to the precious individuals with which you have been blessed.

 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." We are teaching our children through fear of pain, fear of punishment, and fear of being spanked. But remember, "perfect love casts our fear". Our children should be no more afraid of us then a butterfly! Model grace and mercy as Christ did. There needs to be no administration of pain to get a point across. Bringing up your children with grace and mercy will be harder, and it might require more patience. A spanking gets the job done fast, and it appears to work. But it is working through a child's fear of pain and punishment. It isn't working on their hearts, and it is not showing the very grace that God the Father has bestowed on us.

So I contend that spanking is a lie. It is a lie expounded on from pulpits and taught in most Christian books on discipline. My point is not to offend, but to have you consider these words. There need not be fear and pain involved in discipline, only love and patient correcting. Just look to Jesus to find your example.